Golf With Des

All about Golf with David, Elly and Stan! And probably some other stuff too…


Archive for the ‘Non Celebrity Golf’ Category

And We’re Back

Tonight's Score Card


Hard to believe it’s almost been a year since we last had any activity on the site, but it’s true!  There is so much for you all to catch up with, but to keep this one short, suffice to say I won.  Actually, I didn’t, I came joint 1st with Mighty Alan Allen, but then he is mighty and I am not.

Also, I’d like to welcome the latest non-celebrity golfer, Chris Forster!  Chris can be contacted on extn 234 if you need help with Carl’s, Stan’s or Craig P’s accounts.  When Chris isn’t playing golf, he likes to spend his time cheese racing.

Chris tells us he’s only played 6 or 7 times and then had to give up due to an injury he received whilst competing as a cheeseracer.  Now fully recovered, he chose Golf with Des as his golfing come back appearance and ended up shooting a non-too healthy 62 – Better luck next time Chris.

As the nights are now drawing in, I’m not sure that there will be any more Golf With Des Thursday evening sessions this year, although we may just be able to sneak one more…

Chris Chips onto the 5th green

and then gets whippy with it on the 6th…

The final evening round!

Well folks, this is it. David goes on holiday tomorrow and with the nights drawing in rapidly there will be no more evening golfing sessions until at least April. We will however be playing at weekends when and wherever possible.

Also, due to a winter-enforced reduced golfing schedule over the coming months, we will find other ways to keep the site ’hip and happening.’ I can exclusively reveal that a new feature on the site, Des’s Kitchen, will be introduced in the next month and will feature some wonderful recipes. I’m sure that you’re salivating at the prospect already.

Back to tonight, and we will be welcoming back Craig, this season’s most prolific non-celebrity – let’s see if he can beat Chris’s earlier record of 47.

As for the weather, well that’s a ’grey’ area…. with different weather websites changing their tune on an hourly basis. This time yesterday we were facing a gloomy round, but now, according to the BBC it’s looking like it will be fairly nice. Our main concern tonight will be the anticipated sunset time of 1930. Our tee-time is 1803 so we will have to get our skates on.

I will be taking a full set of photos tonight due to it being our last evening round.

Sunday Southport Special!

Today I’ve been to Southport, home of the famous Royal Birkdale course which has hosted the British Open and Ryder Cup plus other presitgious events.

Unfortunately I didn’t manage to get a round there, but I was able to play on the Southport Pitch and Putt course with our most successful non-celebrity golfer to date, Chris Fossey.

It’s a 9 hole couse and on our first round the scores were:

Stan 37
Chris 41

The man behind the counter was a bit of a tit, but he did let us go round the course again for free as it was early and no-one else was there. The second round was better for both of us:

Stan 31
Chris 40

The idiot man behind the counter told us that the course record was 26 so I was very pleased to have posted 31. We went for a beer to celebrate and it tasted rubbish and cost £3 per pint. And I had some chips that were £1.50

All in all, a lovely day by the sea, which surprisingly for Southport was actually visible today. Lovely.

Joe’s Round

After nearly a full day of wondering if he would be getting a taste of the full Des experience, Joe was relieved to find that Elly wasn’t in fact looking at his car until Friday so all members of Des would be present for his non-celebrity round.

And what a great round it was and one that I was relieved to win by a single shot with both Elly and David breathing down my neck. Not litererally of course, that would be wrong, and other golfers would probably have given us strange looks.

The unfortunate Joe turned out to be our least successful non-celebrity golfer with a disappointing 179, but the pressure of playing such a high profile round probably played its part.

Meet Joe Holt

What a game that was!

Well Elly did show and I bet he’s glad he did – He played his best golf to date and ended the game in a draw for 2nd with me!

It was a close game throughout and the lead changed hands at what felt like every other hole! With Elly playing his best round ever and Joe joining us for his 1st ever Non Celebrity Golf, I don’t think golf has seen this much excitement…

I’m Joe and I like you

In fact I wouldn’t be surprised if they mention this weeks game at some point during the upcoming Ryder Cup …..Something like “After all the controversy about being picked, Lee Westwood wins this hole in what was almost as close a match as David vs Stan vs Elly in last week’s Golf with Des game…Ohhhhh”

As expected with Joe going back to student life, he mentioned his student loan frequently and at one point asked if we would pass a “cup” around the course asking fellow golfers to make a donation, which obviously was out of bounds!

Although Joe played a really good long game, his short game let him down somewhat posting a final score of 179.

The final scores were as follows…

Exclusive Controversy with Des!

Well, after week’s of looking forward to a round with Des, this week’s non-celebrity golfer (Joseph ’Joe’ Holt) may find himself disappointed as Elly may be ducking out at the last minute as he wants to go and buy himself a car.

Not just any car….it’s a Vauxhall Calibra…and Elly really likes it.

Regardless of whether he plays or not, the weather is looking good for tonight, with bright sunshine. However, we are expecting the sun to set around 8pm, so let’s hope we’re not held up by slow play or ball hunting.

Reconfiming David’s post below, tonight’s tee time is 1800BST and this could well be our penultimate round before we have to say goodbye to the fountain course on a thursday evening for a few months. However, we have found a nice little 3 hole floodlit course on the same complex and we may well give it a try…

Exclusively with Des

Now that I have my exclusive “Willow Valley Golf Loyalty Booking Card”, I can exclusively book our golfing events without a deposit up to two weeks in advance!!

So this week’s exclusive game is already exclusively booked for Thursday evening at 18:00.

We’d also like to welcome Joseph Holt as this week’s exclusive non-celebrity golfer. Joe is about to go back to “student life” so I expect him to moan quite a bit throughout our round about student fees / loans / etc.

I’m also fairly certain that his entry under our “What’s for tea” section will no doubt be something with Tesco Value Baked Beans or Super Noodles.

Anyway, a big welcome to Joe (or is it Jo?)

Dancing in the Dark

“You can’t start a fire, you can’t start a fire without a spark
This gun’s for hire even if we’re just dancing in the dark”

That is what Bruce Springsteen had to say about dancing in the dark. Unfortunately, he never got round to writing any lyrics about playing golf in the dark, but even if he had I doubt that he’d have made it sound quite so dramatic.

This is because a very important factor in successfully playing golf is actually being able to see. Which of course you can’t in the dark.

Obviously when we set foot on to the course last night it was light, although bad weather did make it look rather gloomy from the outset but as the round progressed the light situation was only going one way….

Craig started the ’brightest’ with a lovely 3 on the second but a wayward teeshot on the 3rd soon undid his good work. My attempts at finding the green on the same hole were equally horrendous and i finally sunk the ball in 8.

David soon seized the initiative and by the 6th he had a commanding lead. Remarkably I pulled a shot back on the 7th but by now the light was pretty bleak indeed and there was certainly no light at the end of the tunnel for either me or Craig. The final two holes were pretty much hit and hope affairs for all of us, and actually tracking the ball during its flight was a challenge in itself. By the good grace of God none of us lost our balls and we managed to complete a below par round.


David 44
Stan 47
Craig 50


It has been a while II

As Stan mentions in one of his previous posts, it has been a while since we last updated, so here we are….

Golf with Desc.
Stan is a CHEAT!!!!
As Bell Jnr makes his Golf with Des debut, Stan plays a fantastic round and Elly also improves.

In what turned out to be a quite exciting round, both because by late afternoon the weather looked like we could be running for cover at any moment but then turned out to be bright sunshine, and also because apart from a few mistakes, any of us could have been the winner.

As it happens, Stan played some really solid holes and won the game by a total of 5 strokes.

Our Non – Celebrity Craig (who incidentally looks like Peter Schmeical….or so he would have you believe…..) didn’t have his best round ever and finished on a 52.

I finished on a 46, which althougth is nothing fantastic, I was quite pleased with my game as apart from a few 6s and one 8 I felt that I played a fairly consistantly…

Bell Jnr (Peter) takes a swing on the 3rd…

…….And we did catch Elly having a wee on the 6th

Errrrr...Elly Piss

Afterwards, Craig joined us for a pint of Denmark’s finest and then broke the news to us that he had in fact been wearing one of his wife’s thongs throughout the whole round of golf – Imagine our suprise!!

Shocking Revelation: “I like to wear thongs”

Scared of Water?

This week we would have been delighted to have introduced Waz to you but unfortunately, due to his severe phobia of water, he decided to pull out at the last minute.

To be fair, at 1600BST the rains were pouring down and we were also treated to an electrical storm. However, a quick call to Nottingham (thanks Lorraine and the girls!) helped us to establish that the storm would pass after about 2 hours and that tonight’s round would indeed go ahead.

1730BST came, and the rain was still coming down. Waz looked genuinely scared at the prospect of playing in such conditions so made his excuses and went home. Regardless, we bravely made our way to the course….

Surprise surprise, when we arrived at 1815BST the rain had stopped and all of a sudden it seemed pleasant enough to play. So play we did.

The usually rammed carpark was eerily quiet:

Elly, who had earlier displayed Wazlike symptoms of ’rainphobia’ was eager to start playing as soon as he realised he wouldn’t get too wet. Please note the emergence of a blue sky as shown in both pictures:

Amazingly, we all played reasonably well which was unthinkable earlier whilst staring at the lightning which was engulfing our local surrounds.

There was virtually nobody else on the course, the sun even came out for a bit and we had a thoroughly enjoyable game of golf which was reflected in all our final scores:

David & Stan: 43
Elly: 52