Golf With Des

All about Golf with David, Elly and Stan! And probably some other stuff too…


Archive for January, 2007

Des’s Kitchen – Double Bill!

Hello there and a very warm welcome back to a new year in Des’s Kitchen!

To start us off, we’ve got a double header for you – Salmon and Spinach Tagliatelle Bake and Homemade Turkey Burgers with Fries.

Salmon and Spinach Tagliatelle Bake

Ok, here goes.

Lightly poach some salmon fillets in milk, with some mixed peppers to keep them company. Season with some nutmeg, mixed spice and of course black pepper

You don’t want to cook it through, just enough to be able to flake the salmon into nice, er, flakes

Thicken the remaining sauce by stirring in a packet of Hollandaise Sauce mix

Add the salmon back to the sauce then wilt some spinach in a BIG pan

While it’s wilting, add some pre-boiled (in salted water with a splash of olive oil) tagliatelle to the sauce

Give it a good stir,add the spinach, stir again and then place into baking dishes

Top with cheese and bake for approx 15 minutes

Homemade Turkey Burgers

Sick of the poopiplopse they serve at McDonalds, but still fancy a tasty burger? Well look no further than Des’s Kitchen for the tastiest Turkey Burger in the west. Actually, that’s a probably a bit far fetched, but they aren’t bad….

Elly hasn’t done a Des’s Kitchen, so here he is in the Kitchen, proudly wearing his new apron that his Mum bought him for Christmas. Nice

Chop an onion

and some garlic, AND a pepper

Soften them gently in a frying pan but do not brown

Mix together with some turkey mince, Elly’s secret blend of spices (sorry, it’s a secret so you’ll have to guess – one of them is tarragon) and some egg to bind together

Sprinkle a CLEAN surface with flour

Then mould and shape the mix into burger shapes

Fry in a little olive oil, and serve with a handful of fries, and your choice of sauces. My choices are Ketchup, low fat Mayonnaise and BBQ sauce.

More Des’s Kitchen next time someone can be arsed to cook, take photos, then resize upload and write it up after eating.

Saparmurat Niyazov

This week’s (long overdue) Famous Despot is Saparmurat Niyazov – the former President of Turkmenistan who died recently on the 21st December.

This guy was a proper freak who introduced several crazy ideas and laws to the noble Turkmen…

  • The second of August was named as national melon day in 1994
  • Dogs were banned from the capital city due to their smell
  • Young men were forbidden to grow beards
  • The month of January was renamed after himself
  • The Turkmen words for bread and the month of April were changed to the name of his late mother, Gurbansoltanedzhe.

What a despot. If I were a despot I think I’d name a day of the week after myself, most likely replacing ’Sunday’ with ’Standay’. Great idea, all I need now is my own country. Watch this space….


I’ve been away for the last 2 weeks, this last week at paper exhibition in Frankfurt, and the week before I was relaxing surrounds of Montgenevre!

I went to Montgenevre with Mr X, whose identity cannot be revealed for legal reasons, for a much enjoyed skiing holiday and not for the somewhat less savoury reasons incorrectly implied by David earlier.

As a first time skier I must say I was nervous, but after a quick pint we faced ourfirst lesson. Although neither myself or Mr X were the world’s best skiers, we certainly weren’t the worst and although we suffered a few tumbles we made it back with all bones and limbs fully intact.

It was a lovely resort, and the sun shone a lot….

But I have to say that the resort’s main black run looked particularly scary…

We enjoyed muchos apres-ski and most nights were drunk by 7pm after 2 hours worth of happy hour 2 for 1 drinks at nearly 2000m altitude. Nothing that a nice sit down, a cup of tea and a cigarette couldn’t sort out though…

That picture needs rotating but I don’t know how to do it. Either turn your screen on its side or tilt your head 90degrees to the left to view it properly.

Here’s a video of me skiing – special mention again to Mr X for some fantastic camerawork!

And here’s Mr X after an unfortunate fall…

Gott’s Park – Pictures

Further to David’s earlier post regarding the fiasco experienced at Gott’s Park, here are a few pictures of the offending course.

The pictures do actually make the course appear quite nice, but rest assured it was a nightmare and we didn’t enjoy it at all…

To make this entry slightly more interesting, why not have a go at this fun little quiz…

Who’s hand is this?
A) Michael Jackson
B) David

Answers on a postcard to our usual postal address.


I’ve always like the word “skiing” for one reason and one reason alone.

Can you guess?

If you guessed the “ii” in the middle, then you were spot on. if you guessed any other reason, then I’m sorry to tell you that you are wrong.

Try not to be too upset. It wasn’t an obvious question and I can guess it was really easy to think the the “sk” or the “ng” were more interesting than the “ii”, but you’d be wrong if you thought that.

Anyway, Myself and the very good wife ventured to Soll in Austria a week or so ago to throw ourselves down a mountain on some sticks. Anyway, we enjoyed it and then the following week, Stan and a “friend” holidayed in Gay Paris!

Actually they didn’t, Stan and Mr X (he has specifically asked that he not be named or that his photo appear on GWD for family reasons) went skiing in Mont-Genevre, France. Hopefully Stan will be posting some amusing, “relevant”, interesting photos on Golf With Des and not just the gay sex ones.

Leave It


Bit windy, bit cold and not at all golfing weather.

It’s a bit cold and a bit miserable to be chasing a ball around a golf course, so Golf With Des have decided (especially after last week’s game) to leave golf alone for the next few weeks.


After I returned from skiing, Stan and I had an outing at non other than Gotts Park in Leeds and if I can be blunt, it was poopiplops.

Now I’m sure that some people and actually some golfers still feel that golf is a fairly “elitist” game, but it isn’t. Or at least you believe that until you play at Gotts Park.

If you enjoy playing golf and you don’t want to see scratters, then don’t play at Gotts Park.

It is a difficult course which is extremely “up and down”and on some holes it is impossible to see where the fairways are and where you should be aiming. Then, when you ask a local, they tell to aim 150yds to one side so when you take your shot and it sails way of course, without a blink or so much as an excuse, they then ask if they can play through!

We played 14 or 15 and decided we’d had enough, so we walked back to the car park and went home.

Now, I can hear you all protesting “Ohhhh, it’s a muni and you should stop whinging about muni’s, because, because (surely that is not correct….two becauses?)of them you don’t have to join a club and spend lots of money”.

Well, you are all correct, but after stepping over used syringes, waiting for smack heads to walk across the course before talking a shot AND getting shafted by a chimp (and yes, he really did sound like and look like a chimp), so he can play through, well you can kiss my arse.

Elly Impersonates – Breaking News

Some of you may have noticed slight audio/visual synchronization issues on our videos in Elly Impersonates but we’re pleased to announce that we have now corrected the error. Loading times are slightly longer than they were previously but we feel they are worth the wait.

Elly will have some more impressions for you all in the very near future.

Are you having a laugh?

Three Score Cards At Once Shock!

We’ve had a break from both golf and from the site over the past few weeks, mainly because Stan has lost about 8 games on the trot and wanted some time off to work on finding his inner golfing spirit.

Anyway, here are the last three games we played. The 1st two games were the 9 holes at Crow Nest and the then 9 holes on the Fountain Course at Willow Valley we played immediately afterwards on the 9th Dec. Not a fantastic performance from either of us and it wasn’t made any easier at Crow Nest because we had to play off some green mats to protect the course due to the recent bad weather.

Jumping in our cars and zooming up to Willow Valley, we did a quick 9 on the Fountain Course, which after starting well with a couple of pars I completely fluffed it and even managed to take a 10 on one hole.

However I still beat Stan which is always good.

Moving on three weeks, we had actually booked to play the Pine Valley Course at Willow Valley for the very last Golf With Des of 2006, but we were told on arrival that the course was water logged and therefore closed. We had two options; we could play the Championship Willow Valley Course, or the small Fountain course.

As I was playing with an ankle injury and Stan was still suffering with man flu, we decided to play the much shorter Fountain Course.

And what game that was…..

I got a chance to use Christmas Beckham, my Xmas pressie Driver and Stan broke both his putter and his trolley.

I must say that Christmas Beckham performed wonderfully and will not be left on the subs bench for any up coming games….

I finished on 79 with two birdies and two pars, which considering my injury, the weather and course conditions isn’t too bad.

Christmas Beckham

Famous Despots – Kim Jong Il

A new year, a new feature on GWD!

After the enormous success of our Famous Des’s feature, we’ve decided to tweak it a bit in a bid to keep things fresh and exciting and is nothing to do with the fact that I can only think of about 2 more Famous Des’s.

So, over the next few weeks, we’re going to take a trip round the world and look at the wonderfully oppressive world of tyrants, dictators and of course their adorable personality cults.

Welcome to Famous Despots!

This week’s Famous Despot is the handsome Kim Jong Il, ruler of North Korea. Kim has been the main man in North Korea (or the DPRK) since his father (Kim Il Sung) unfortunately passed away.

Kim is more familiarly known in the DPRK as “Dear Leader” and pictures of both him and his father can be found everywhere, most notably in every single carriage on Pyongyang’s subway trains. Also littering the country are statues of him – tourists in North Korea are taken on at least one mandatory tour of these statues and are expected to solemnly bow to them. Failure to do so is deemed disrespectful and can land you in prison. What a despot.

Whilst most of the population of North Korea are close to starvation, Kim feasts on the finest lobster and caviar, and his annual budget for cognac is around $700k. The average North Korean earns around $900 per year. What a despot.

Interestingly, Kim likes golf although there are no plans at this stage to introduce him as a non-celebrity golfer. North Korean state TV claims that on his first round of golf, he shot several holes-in-one and finished 38 under par. What a despot.

Kim has been married 3 times and is reported to have as many as 9 children outside of these marriages, but it isn’t known how many he really has – he has a team of girls on call called the ’Joy Parade’ so god knows how many little Kims there are marching across the DPRK.

Someone should maybe point out to him that Kim, in fact, is actually a girl’s name. What a despot.

Here’s a picture of him fantasizing about Tommy Lee….

Another Famous Despot next week!

Happy New Year from Des!

Happy New Year!

We’ve had a bit of a seasonal break here on GWD and have all been doing our own thing. There’s been a bit of golf played since we last posted but it hasn’t been very exciting because David keeps winning and Elly hasn’t played. Briefly:

3 weeks ago:

9 holes at Crow’s Nest, Brighouse – David won
9 holes at Fountain Course, Willow Valley – David won

Saturday 30th December:

18 holes at Fountain Course, Willow Valley – I was winning for a bit but, ultimately, David won.

Christmas was good for me, I got some new Simpson’s slippers and I roasted a goose. Lovely. Struck down with man-flu/lurgi for the rest of the holiday and as a result stayed in with Elly and Kate on New Year’s Eve. I didn’t drink, except for a glass of champagne at midnight, but Elly made up for it on my behalf and got incredibly drunk. Good Effort.

Then he decided to ring his Mum to wish her a Happy New Year…

He didn’t remember so myself and Kate reminded him with the video and made him call his mum again to apologise…

Plenty to look forward to this year on GWD including an exciting new slant on the Famous Des feature – Famous Despots – starting tomorrow!

Happy New Year!