Golf With Des

All about Golf with David, Elly and Stan! And probably some other stuff too…

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Archive for October, 2006

Desmond Tutu

Yes, it’s that time of the week, and Famous Des’s returns with an absolute winner:

Yes, it’s Desmond Tutu!

Or, to be more precise, The Most Reverend Desmond Mpilo Tutu.

Born in 1931, Desmond is a South African Cleric who hit the headlines in the 1980s as a prominent anti-apartheid opponent. He was awarded the Nobel Peace Prize in 1984.

In simple terms, Desmond is a pretty cool guy. Well done.

Unexplained Golfing Mysteries!

You work it out!

A Des Weekender!

This weekend we’ve been on tour!

Finishing work at 1pm on Friday, David and I headed straight over to the Fountain Ridge course at the Willow Valley golf complex to fire off a quick 9 holes as an appetiser for our weekend ahead. As usual, it was very close and we were level after 8. I messed it up on the 9th and took a ridiculous 4 shots more than David. Very Poor

David 42
Stan 46

Then it was in the car where we set off for Southport, home of the Royal Birkdale course, miles of sandy beaches and miles of old people queueing up for buses. In Southport old people get FREE bus passes, which probably explains why they choose to live there. And die there too. Napolean lived in Southport when he was in exile and when he returned to Paris, as “The Boss”, he ordered the construction of tree lined boulevards resembling those on Lord Street. You can see Blackpool Tower from the coastline in Southport, but if anyone tells you that Napolean saw it and was inspired to build the Eiffell Tower as a result then they are lying to you. Blatantly.

Anyway, we weren’t in Southport to see the trees or the old people, we were there to see Jimmy Carr live. And he was very funny. I laughed so much that my face hurt. Then we had lots of beer and I got very drunk.

The next morning we set off for Aintree Golf Course, set in the wonderfully scenic surrounds of the racecourse used for the most famous steeplechase in the world, the Grand National.

Our round at times resembled “Farce with Des”… David’s trolley broke, our non-celebrity golfer, Chris, played a few bad shots and swore a lot, then left the field of play early complaining of a ’Sore Neck’. We took some pictures, look….!


There’s Chris. I don’t know who the other one is


There’s Chris again, the other one has gone away


Elly couldn’t wait to get into the woods. It looks like he’s doing a wee. But he isn’t


Chris hit a gorgeous 5 iron…


…But it broke


Elly hit this shot into that bush a remarkable 3 times. Good. Well done.


As you would expect, being fairly close to the coastline, a seagull appeared.


This hole was designed to resemble part of the racecourse. Indeed it was suggested that this was in fact part of the track…but if you owned a golf course, would you let horses on it?


That’s the racetrack, the real racetrack. No horses though. They’re probably in the stables, snorting ketamine.


I had to get over that. But i didn’t fall at this particular hurdle.


Chris had started very well and played some nice golf, but he hurt his neck and had to retire.

The course has 2 massive holes over around 550 yards. They scared us. But we made it round after about 3 hours. For 9 holes.

Stan 57
David 60
Elly 63
Chris Retired Hurt

Sunday arrived so David and I met at Pine Valley for our 0950 tee time. David was a bit late as usual. I played very badly, obviously ’golfed out’ after the last 2 days but I dug in and saw it through.

David made a nice par on the 7th as a result of this teeshot…

I thought that this would be a nice picture and indeed it is….

David was the most consistent and in the end he won by an impressive 9 shots. I was very tired by the end and had to sit down on the 18th green. We only played 14 holes as 4 were shut due to waterlogging. Good.

David 75
Stan 84

Some other interesting stats:

Tees lost but then found:

David 2
Stan 0

Bottles of water drunk:

Stan 3
David 2

We spotted this sign on our way out. Surely a contender for Pun of the Week….

Elly serves up another slice of laughter…

Last night we went for some more drinks.

After drinks we decided to order some pizzas so Craig and Craig came back to our house to wait for them. Then there was a knock on the door, and the pizzas were here. This is what happened…

Meat and Potato Pie

This week in Des’ Kitchen we’re making Meat and Potato Pie. A real winter warmer…..it isn’t quite winter just yet, but Elly won’t let us have the heating on so it is a bit chilly.

Now. This isn’t your usual rubbish meat and potato pie, filled with low quality mince and mushy potatoes that you buy in packs of four, unadequately baked and chilled in the ready meal section of Tescos.

Oh, no Siree. This is a proper one.

Get a nice big stock pot and add some quality Stewing Steak, Onions, Carrots and season with Salt and Pepper. Add a couple of Oxo cubes. After slowly simmering for a while, add a few cubed potatoes. Allow to stew gently and stir occasionally….like so:

While it is cooking, make some pastry and line the correct number of dishes, like so….

If you like, add some mushrooms to the casing….

When the filling is ready and thickened with a few granules or cornflour add it carefully to the pastry lined dish, like so….

Add the lid, brush with a beaten egg and put them in the oven….like so…

Bake for about 20-25 minutes and…. ta da…..

Now, I have to admit it doesn’t look quite as good as I’d hoped. This is due to a lack of egg brush. Instead of brushing the pastry with egg, i ladled it on with a teaspoon. No doubt Lorraine will criticise the presentation, but I’m not too worried. It tasted pretty good and I’ll get an egg brush next week.

Bom bom-bom beeeerm….Berrr-Um

And here it is….this weeks’ scorecard it all its magical spender and magnificence

An excellent golfing performance from both Stan and myself and I was particularly pleased with the birdie on the 13th, but there is still scope to do better. If I’d have parred the par 3s as I did last week, then that’s at least another 6 strokes to come off my score bringing it down to 81.

All in all, a good round of golf with a decent score.

Desmond Decker

This week’s Des is, unfortunately, dead. However, his legend lives on.

Desmond was best known for performing with his band, The Aces, and both very popular within his native Jamaica and across the world. One of his best known songs was Israelites, which topped the UK singles chart in 1968.

In the 1991 Gulf War, US troops stationed in Saudi Arabia were told not to play certain songs, including Dekker’s Israelites, to avoid inflaming the sensitivities of their hosts.

Desmond died of a heart attack on 25 May 2006, at his home in Thornton Heath in the London Borough of Croydon, England, aged 64. He was preparing to headline a world music festival in Prague. We’ve been to Prague and like it a lot, and we’re sure that Desmond would have loved it too. Desmond was divorced and is survived by a son and daughter.

Is he having a laugh?

This is the first offering from another brand new feature on the site – Elly Impersonates. Elly has many excellent impressions in his repertoire and we’ll be bringing them exclusively to you, GWD readers.

This week saw the final episode of the second series of Extras – so this week’s impression is especially for all of you suffering from Mr Stokes Withdrawal Syndrome (commonly known as MSWS).

Ladies and Gentlemen…..Elly….

The Return of Des

This week end Elly decided to join us again for the first time in about 4 weeks. Wishing to shake off his “Elly Woods” nickname, he tried to trick us into thinking he was Ian Poulter by wearing a bright pink shirt and black suit trousers. Very nice…

As you may have noticed, Elly too has invested in some lovely new golfing shoes, although he was less than impressed with the comfort factor, complaining several times that the soles of his feet “hurt”. He said he didn’t want to wear them, but we told him (firmly but fairly) that he had to. It’s in the rules.

His lack of recent golfing played havoc with his game and he may have found more fairways if he’d actually aimed away from them. However I’m sure that he will overcome this blip in form and be back to his best when we take on the challenge of the Southport Municipal Course next weekend.

It was a lovely day. A slight shower on the second didn’t dampen our spirits and the sun was soon shining warmly down on us. Look, it’s lovely…

Myself and David battled it out again and were both playing well. David even managed to avoid the lake on his nightmare hole, the 6th, and as a result he holed out in par 4. He went one better on the inward 9 holing the first Des birdie putt on Pine Valley. Well done.

David did find the lake on the 16th, and after a successful retrieval he and Elly posed for this delightful picture. Look, it looks like we’re in America. But we’re not.

Elly had to get his ball over the same lake….

A good job he didn’t hit it straight….

A magical chip on the 400 yard par 4 18th saw David finish with a superb par. I could only manage a 6, thus surrendering my 2 shot lead which left us tied on 87, a personal best for both of us. Elly was close behind on 134. David will post the official scorecard in due course.

David 87
Stan 87
Elly Poulter (nee Woods) 134

Next week we’re on tour and will be teeing off at the Southport Municipal at 1010.

Go Des!

Go Des. Yeah!

What excellent news.

It would be nice to see the Des element continue in Countdown.

This week’s tee-time is 1012 and Elly makes a welcome return this week, so it really is Golf with Des!